I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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