Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
