I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
