You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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