I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
