He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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