Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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