She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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