Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's the barista slut.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
