I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
