Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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