Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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