U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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