I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
