Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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