I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
