I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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