I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
