A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
