Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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