No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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