toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
