Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who died my cat blue again?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
