so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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