There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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