It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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