I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
