I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
