You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.