apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.