You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.