Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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