i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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