Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
