I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
