Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
