people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
