Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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