It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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