You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
