her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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