so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
