dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
