Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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