We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize