First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
