five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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