You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
