Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
