there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
