why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
