bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
