Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
