I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
