My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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