I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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