she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
