You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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