yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
