ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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