Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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