Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
