you mean i was at the winter classic?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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