i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
