Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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