I can text with my tongue
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
