I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
