why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
